Neglect

I've been digging in to a podcast about Adoption, from the perspective of Adoptees (because, really, whose opinion matters more?) and I'm feeling so conflicted, broken. What I've learned is that our boy will feel the affects of adoption throughout his life, probably without even knowing it. He may have an overwhelming sense of abandonment, grief or loss. He may feel like he doesn't fit in anywhere. I consider myself highly intuitive and discerning but I haven't noticed any of that, yet. I know that he craves attention more than most children and I fail to give him enough. I can spend hours with him, being intentional and giving him everything he needs, but as soon as I get up to do my own thing it's as if those hours are erased. It's never enough. Our boy's temperament resembles mine and I cant help but think that being the oldest of four kids (with the 2nd being hot on my heels at 19 months apart) I also felt neglected as a child. Our boy is stubborn and irritable. Just like me. It's remarkable how alike we are. I dont see a high level of separation anxiety with him. Quite the opposite. He's very independent and we have always celebrated that. As a baby, he had developmental delays so we love seeing him do things for himself. However, as a mother, I like to be wanted. I admit that I have, at times, forced behaviors that were not natural in our boy. Hugging, for instance, is something I love. I hug, hold and kiss my biological son as often as possible and I know that our boy doesn't like those things. I give them to our boy sparingly and request them even less. I am so ashamed to admit that. But after getting hit in the face after a kiss or getting pushed away because my hug was making him "too hot", I just stopped doing it as much and I hate that so much.

If there are any adoptees or therapists reading this that could give me any advice, please get in touch with me. I would love to start an email chain or schedule a phone call. Thanks!